


Fearful of the Night

by Royalravens



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: 01x04 AU, Aftermath of Torture, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Hallucinations, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Sorry, Illnesses, Kissing, M/M, Stars, Swearing, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-09
Updated: 2017-07-06
Packaged: 2018-11-12 04:51:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11154615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Royalravens/pseuds/Royalravens
Summary: The delinquents think Murphy killed Wells, but Bellamy knows better.or,Bellamy saves Murphy from the delinquents, and that has a lot of consequenses.





	1. I Have Loved The Stars Too Fondly

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there! I've had this idea for quite some time now, and I finally wrote it down, so I'd really love to know what you think about it. 
> 
> By the way, these characters don't belong to me, but to Kass Morgan. The poem at the beginning was written by an English poet named Sarah Williams. The title is also from that poem.
> 
> I'd appreciate a comment!
> 
> Enjoy :)

* * *

_"Though my soul may set in darkness_

_It will rise in perfect light_

_I have loved the stars too fondly_

_To be fearful of the night."_

_-_ Sarah Williams

* * *

 

Right as Clarke finished her speech, Bellamy realized she went too far. The delinquents started to surround Murphy, who stumbled backwards.

“I already told you, I didn’t kill anyone!” Murphy shouted at Clarke, but she didn’t react. Suddenly, Connor stepped up, and Bellamy’s stomach turned.

“I say we float him!” Connor yelled. Murphy’s blood drained from his face, and Bellamy wanted to intervene, he really did, but he couldn’t bring himself to move. The other delinquents shouted in agreement, and closed Murphy in. Bellamy watched as Clarke tried to get in between.

“That’s not what I’m saying!” She said, but Connor just glared at her. He said something back to her, but Bellamy didn’t hear him, because suddenly everyone was attacking Murphy. They pushed him onto the ground and kicked him in his face and stomach, while dragging him down to the trees. Bellamy heard Clarke scream at them, and he felt like he would throw up.

They put a seatbelt around his throat. Bellamy’s head began to spin.

_No no no no no-_

Clarke kept screaming, trying to get them to stop. They put Murphy on a crate, his feat just barely touching it, his hands trying to pull off the rope that was almost pulling him off. Bellamy put his hands behind his head. He felt completely helpless, and was trying not to cry.

_No no no no please-_

Clarke turned to Bellamy, who was still standing there, his body completely numb.

“You can stop this! They’ll listen to you!” She cried, pleading for him to take action. Bellamy looked at Murphy. The crowd started chanting Bellamy’s name, but Bellamy didn’t seem to notice, because the only thing that he could focus on at that moment was Murphy.

“No…” Murphy choked out, barely audible above the crowd yelling Bellamy’s name, but Bellamy heard it, and it felt like someone had thrown a bucket of cold water of his head, waking him up. He pushed forward, shoving some people aside, in an attempt to get to Murphy.

“Wait,” Bellamy said. “No, stop it!” The crowd wailed in anger, and pushed him to the ground. Myles, another delinquent who was standing near Murphy, impatiently rolled his eyes, put his foot on the crate, and kicked. The delinquents cheered. Bellamy screamed at the top of his lungs, scrambled to his feet, and ran up to Murphy. He put his arms around Murphy’s legs, holding him up, so he could breathe.

“Took you long enough,” Murphy choked out. Bellamy heard someone move behind him, and saw Clarke in the corner of his eye, cutting the rope with his axe. Murphy fell down, and Bellamy caught him. He put Murphy on his feet, holding onto his shoulders so he wouldn't collapse, and Murphy  gasped for air and coughed. Bellamy cupped his face and looked at him. He shoved the hair out of his eyes and pulling the seatbelt from his neck. Nobody said anything while this went down, until Connor opened his mouth.

“He still needs to be punished!” He yelled, and a few others nodded in agreement. Bellamy sighed in annoyance.

“No, he doesn’t.” Bellamy answered.

“So we’re just going to let him get away with it?” One of the delinquents said. Bellamy looked away from Murphy’s face, and glared at the girl that spoke.

“No, you don’t get what I’m saying." Bellamy hesitated for a second. "The evening Wells was killed, Murphy was with me.” Bellamy looked Murphy in his eyes, who had a surprised look on his face. Everyone went quiet. No-one said a word. But then, Finn broke the silence.

“Do you mean… like…” He made a weird hand-motion. Murphy laughed half-heartedly, which resulted in another coughing fit.

“Oh, _hell_ yeah.” He said. Bellamy rolled his eyes. He put his hand on Murphy’s back and guided him back to camp, while he could feel that the eyes of the delinquents followed them. Clarke stopped them briefly by putting a hand on Murphy’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” She said, “I never meant for this to happen.” Murphy just shook his head.

“It’s okay,” He said, avoiding her eyes. “It wasn’t your fault.” Clarke looked at the crowd.

“I’ll fix you up in a bit,” She said, “But I need to deal with them first.” She moved her hand in the direction of the delinquents. Murphy nodded, and Bellamy and he walked on. Bellamy sat him down on a tree trunk sitting by the campfire, and started to clean the blood off his face with water. They weren’t very far away from Clarke and the others, so they could hear Clarke’s rampage.

“Are you all out of your goddamn minds?” She yelled. “We aren’t on the Ark anymore! We don’t need to go around, executing people, because we need to save oxygen! We are on the ground, and we need everyone to survive!” Nobody dared to say anything, when suddenly Myles - _of all people_ , Bellamy thought- opened his stupid mouth.

“You can’t say that asshole didn’t deserve it, though.” A few people laughed at that, and Bellamy’s cheeks flushed red with anger, but ignored it and kept cleaning Murphy up, who stared at his feet. He couldn’t see Clarke’s face, but he was pretty sure he didn’t want to.

“So you’re saying,” she said, dangerously quiet, “we need to string up every asshole in the group? Where does that leave _you_ , Myles?” Bellamy grinned. Leave it to Clarke to put some dickhead in his place. When Myles didn’t reply, Clarke scoffed and continued. “Murphy is innocent, so the murderer is still out there. And when we find them, we are not going to kill them. You hear me?” A few people grunted in reply, and Clarke turned around. “Get back to work!” She yelled, before she stomped off towards the camp. She went inside the dropship and came back with a first aid-kit, some fresh water and a few towels, and walked over to the tree trunk Murphy was sitting on. Bellamy went out of her way, and sat down next to him.

“Alright,” Clarke said, while sitting down on her knees in front of Murphy. “Let’s see.” Murphy pulled off his jacket and showed her his neck, which was starting to look blue now. Clarke's eyes went dark, but she kept her mouth shut. She cleaned his bruises and cuts, and then looked for serious damage on his stomach and chest.

“You have two bruised ribs, but it’s not very serious,” Clarke stated. “I think you have also bruised your neck, but there are no broken bones, and I don’t see anything that needs stitches.” She murmured, more to herself than to Murphy. A few moments later, she put the towels in the bucket of water she brought, and stood up.

“Okay, I'd say you’re good. We just need to keep the cuts clean and change the bandages every day, so they don’t get infected.” Bellamy got to his feet, and Clarke turned to him. “He needs a lot of sleep, Bellamy,” She said quietly. “You should take him to your tent, and stay with him, so no-one tries to attack him.” Bellamy looked over his shoulder at Murphy, who was throwing some twigs he picked up in the fire, pretending not to hear. Bellamy nodded. “Yeah, I'll make sure nothing happens to him.” He said. Clarke nodded. "I know you will." she replied. He smiled at her, and walked over to the younger boy, who stood up. Together they walked to Bellamy’s tent.

“I’m so sorry, Murphy,” Bellamy said, before entering the tent. Murphy didn’t look him in the eyes, which sent a pang of sadness through Bellamy’s chest.

“It’s okay. I didn’t die,” Murphy replied, before ducking his head and stepping inside the tent.

Murphy practically collapsed on Bellamy’s bed, and as soon as his head hit the pillow, he was fast asleep. Bellamy stood beside him for a minute, looking at the the boy that suddenly looked so vulnerable and young, and he felt himself get all warm and fuzzy. Bellamy tucked him in, and lied down beside him.

He closed his eyes, and drifted off to the sound of Murphy's breathing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, it really means a lot to me!


	2. When It's Dark Enough

* * *

_"When it's dark enough, you can see the stars."_

\- Ralph Waldo Emerson

* * *

 

Murphy woke up before Bellamy did. He rubbed his eyes and yawned, trying to remember what happened and where he was. His throat ached, but he couldn’t figure out why. He carefully brushed his fingers over his skin, and suddenly everything came back to him. His face heated up, and his lips trembled, but he took a deep breath and forced himself to calm down. He propped himself up on his elbows, which made him feel a sharp pain in his stomach and chest. A soft yelp escaped his mouth and he immediately lied back down.

“Goddamn,” Murphy cursed. Bellamy stirred in his sleep, and Murphy lied completely still for a minute, so Bellamy wouldn’t wake up. He rolled on his stomach and got up, pulled on his jacket and tiptoed out of the tent.

Outside, a few people were already getting ready for the day. Finn was dividing the food and giving some to a group of people that were going hunting, Clarke was talking to Jasper, and scattered over their grounds there were people talking and eating. Murphy limped towards Clarke, keeping his head down to avoid the stares of the people he passed. He didn’t really feel like talking to her, but then again, he also didn’t want to be alone, and she was probably his safest option. Clarke looked up and noticed him walking in her direction. She walked up to him.

“Good morning,” She said, a little too cheerful for Murphy’s liking, and he grunted in reply.

“How’s your neck doing?” She asked, and Murphy pulled his collar down a little bit, showing her the now black and blue skin.

“It hurts when I move my head, but it’s not as painful as my chest,” Murphy said. He saw Jasper coming towards them, and he stopped walking when he was next to Clarke, nodding his head at Murphy. Clarke looked at him for a moment before looking back at Murphy.

“Yeah, I’m afraid it’s going to stay like that for a while,” She said apologetically, while running her hand through her hair. Murphy coughed.

“When should I come by to change my bandages?” He asked, ignoring Jasper, who was not-very-subtly looking at Murphy’s neck with a horrified expression on his face. Clarke noticed too, and pushed him with her shoulder.

“I think it doesn’t need to be changed just yet. We’ll do it in the dropship tonight, okay?” She said. Murphy nodded. His stomach grumbled, and suddenly he realized he was very hungry.

“I’m going to get some food, okay?” He said. Clarke said bye, and he started walking away. Jasper went with him.

Finn was cooking some of the meat from a deer they caught the other day. Murphy inhaled, and the delicious smell cleared his head a little. Murphy walked up to him.

“Smells good,” He said, and Finn looked up. He smiled and thanked Murphy, clearly a little bit proud. “Can I have some?” Murphy asked.

“Yes, of course!” Finn said. He cut some of the flesh and gave it to Murphy. Jasper got some too, and sat down next to Finn.

Murphy thanked Finn and sat down too, while taking a bite of the food. He sighed, completely content, and staring into the fire. He took off his jacket. He caught Finn staring at his throat, and his cheeks flushed with embarrassment. He ignored it, and kept eating. More and more people were beginning to wake up, and the delicious smell of the cooked meat drew them to the campfire. Most of them ignored Murphy, some of them stared at him. He avoided their gazes by starting a conversation with Jasper about chemistry, and he talked enthusiastically about all different kinds of stuff he found on the ground and how awesome it was and what you could do with it. Murphy grinned, nodded, and was genuinely interested. He was actually having a good time, maybe for the first time since he came to the ground.

But then, he noticed Connor and Myles standing a few feet away. Murphy inhaled sharply, and his face went white as a sheet. Jasper immediately noticed something was wrong.

“Hey, you okay, man?” He asked, following Murphy’s look. When he saw Connor and Myles, he immediately got up.

“Murphy, let’s go.” Jasper said. Finn had detected them too. Murphy stood up, and Jasper guided him away from the campfire. Not that they came far.

“Wow, Murphy,” He heard Myles yell, and he tensed. “I figured you and Bellamy would be into some freaky shit, but _choking_? Do you have any dignity?” Myles laughed. In an instant, Murphy spun around, and charged at him. Jasper tried to stop him, but he was too late.

The delinquents swerved as Murphy leaped on Myles, crashing them both onto the ground, and punched him right in the face. Everyone was completely taken by surprise, especially Myles. Murphy threw another punch. And another. The only thing he felt was rage. Jasper and Finn tried to get him off, but they couldn’t. Clarke came running. She screamed for Murphy to stop, but he didn’t hear her. Then, suddenly, two arms were around him. They pulled him off. He tried to fight his way out of them, but they were too strong. He was now sitting on the ground, and someone was holding him.

“Murphy,” He whispered in his ear, “It’s okay. You’re okay.” But Murphy wasn’t okay, he needed to kill Myles, and Connor, too, and-

“Please, Murphy, calm down, I’m here,” He heard, and slowly stopped fighting. Bellamy stroked his hair, one arm still around his waist. Murphy’s walls came down. He turned around, and cried into Bellamy’s shirt. Tears streamed over his cheeks, and Bellamy kept stroking his hair. He couldn’t see that everyone was looking at them, as silent as the grave. He couldn’t see that Clarke didn’t go over to Myles to help him. He didn’t hear that Myles was protesting, saying that Murphy should be punished for assaulting him, or Jasper, telling Myles to go fuck himself.

He just cried until there were no tears left to shed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, next chapter will be up soon! 
> 
> Let me know what you think :)


	3. The Sight Of The Stars

* * *

  _"For my part I know nothing with any certainty, b_ _ut the sight of the stars makes me dream."_

\- Vincent van Gogh

* * *

  

That evening, Bellamy sat by the campfire, Murphy’s head on his lap. Murphy was sleeping, and Bellamy pushed Murphy’s hair behind his ears to look at his face. Murphy was so beautiful, so serene, even though his face was still bruised from the attack. Bellamy still couldn’t believe how well Murphy was doing. Granted, he beat the shit out of Myles, but that fucker deserved everything that got to him. Hell, if Murphy hadn’t done it, _he_ might’ve.

A few yards away, Clarke was arguing with Finn. Bellamy didn’t really pay attention, but he did catch what it was about; Wells’s killer still hadn’t been found, and it was driving Clarke crazy. Of course Bellamy understood, but they really couldn’t focus on that right now, with the grounders and all.

“Fine!” He heard Clarke yell, and he looked up. She walked towards him, and angrily sat down across from him. She buried her face in her hands and sighed.

“Clarke, what’s going on?” Bellamy asked quietly, trying not to wake Murphy up. He knew what was going on, but he could imagine Clarke would want to vent a little bit. Clarke looked at Bellamy, and he saw how tired her eyes looked. Bellamy felt so sorry for her. He was sure she felt like she lost her brother, her best friend. He would break if he ever lost Olivia.

“Finn told me I should let finding Wells’s killer go for now,” Clarke said, angrily looking in the fire. Even though Bellamy strongly agreed with Finn, he kept his mouth shut. “I mean, I know he’s right,” She went on, “but that doesn’t mean I have to like it!” Bellamy nodded. Clarke looked at Murphy, who was still sleeping peacefully.

“We will find the killer, Clarke. Don’t worry. We just need to figure the whole grounder thing out.” Bellamy said, “And we need to try to contact the Ark.” Clarke raised her eyebrows in surprise, but Bellamy just shrugged. He didn’t want to tell her he was still scared of what the Council might do to him if they came down as well, but he had realized it was selfish to let all those people die up there just because the Council might lock him up for killing Jaha. Luckily, Clarke didn’t press the subject.

“How’s he doing?” She asked, pointing at Murphy. Bellamy looked down again, and stroked Murphy’s face.

“As well as you could expect him to,” He replied, “but the incident from this morning didn’t really sit well. After I brought him to my tent, he cried for hours.” Bellamy’s eyes stung, when he thought back at how broken Murphy had been that morning. Clarke said nothing, but her face spoke volumes. For a while, they sat in a comfortable silence.

Suddenly, the dark night sky lighted up. Murphy woke up, and scrambled to his feet, as did Clarke and Bellamy. The few delinquents that were still outside were yelling and pointing at the sky, where something that seemed like a huge shooting star came crashing down to earth.

“What the hell is that?” Murphy said, and Bellamy heard Clarke gasp.

“It’s a drop ship!” She yelled, jumping up and down in excitement. “They sent a drop ship! Food, med-kits, maybe even radio’s!” She was already running off to what Bellamy assumed was to gather a search party, but he grabbed her arm.

“We shouldn’t move until first light, Clarke. The grounders have the advantage in the dark.” Clarke looked disappointed, but nodded. 

"You're right. But we really need to move out as soon as possible, we can't afford to lose this drop ship to the grounders." This time, it was Bellamy's turn to nod. 

“You’re coming too, right?” Clarke asked, and Bellamy hesitated, and looked at Murphy, who was still staring in awe at the sky, even though the drop ship had disappeared for a few minutes.

“I will if Murphy can tag along, so he needs to feel alright.” He finally answered. Clarke nodded. “Get some sleep then, you both will need it.” Bellamy said goodnight to her, and she walked back to the drop ship with Finn, discussing who they’d bring in the morning. Bellamy took Murphy’s hand, and they walked in the direction of Bellamy’s tent.

•••

Bellamy’s night wasn’t exactly great. He kept waking up, worried the grounders might be attacking, or Murphy might be hurt. But every time he woke up, Murphy was still sleeping next to him, and the sight of him instantly calmed him down. But then, when he woke up for the third time in the middle of the night, Murphy suddenly wasn’t there. Bellamy forced himself to calm down for just a second. _He might’ve just gone out of the tent to pee, or something_ , Bellamy thought, while he quickly pulled on his boots.

Bellamy stumbled out of his tent, and he saw him immediately. The boy was lying on his back on the grass, staring at the sky. Bellamy walked over to him.

“Did you have a nightmare?”

Murphy nodded, and he clenched his teeth, not looking at Bellamy. Bellamy got the hint, and didn’t press Murphy to tell him what it was about. He lowered himself and lied down next to Murphy. 

“What are you looking at?” Bellamy asked quietly, and he rolled over on his side to look at Murphy, supporting his head with his hand.

“The stars,” Murphy replied, moving over to Bellamy and snuggling up against him. Bellamy looked up. “I really love them. They’re so beautiful.”

Bellamy couldn’t agree more, but it wasn’t as if it was a foreign concept they could only experience on earth. Stars were pretty much the only view on most of the Ark, and there are a lot of windows there.

“You know, when I was little, I would always slow my dad down when we were walking to school, because I kept staring out of the windows at the stars. He would then tell me about them, and we would sometimes be an hour late,” Murphy said, and Bellamy chuckled. “The Swan is my favorite, it’s right there in the Summer Triangle.” He pointed at the sky, so Bellamy could find it. Bellamy didn’t really look at the constellation, though; he was looking at Murphy, who’s eyes reflected the stars he was looking at so lovingly. Then, Murphy was looking him in the eyes, too, and Bellamy’s mind started racing. Suddenly, their mouths met, very tenderly. He didn’t know who made the first move, but he assumed they both did at the same time. Murphy put his hands in Bellamy’s hair, and his own hands were on Murphy’s face. They made out until their lips were sore, and Bellamy broke the kiss. They looked at each other and laughed, their faces flushed and lips puffy.

“I love you,” Murphy suddenly said. Bellamy smiled, pushed Murphy’s hair out of the way and cupped his face with his hands.

“I love you, too.”

 


	4. Each Star Is A Mirror

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, 
> 
> I'm so sorry this chapter comes so late, but I just didn't know how to continue the story! Well, I finally figured out what I wanted to do, and I'm sorry in advance.. :) The chapter is a little bit long, but I figured it could be because I published it so late. 
> 
> Enjoy :)

* * *

_"Each star is a mirror reflecting the truth inside you."_

\- Aberjhani 

* * *

 

To Murphy’s irritation, Clarke had stayed true to her word, and had gathered a search group that was ready to move out at the crack of dawn. He wasn’t annoyed because Clarke woke them -well, Bellamy, Murphy didn’t really sleep that much anymore- up but because she made them get out of their cozy, warm bed, where Bellamy and he had been lying with their limbs practically tangled together. Now, he was strolling through a cold, possibly grounder-infested forest, to find a drop-ship that could be empty. And maybe it made him a dick, but Murphy really wasn’t prepared to put his ass on the line for these people he barely knew and didn’t care for. The only thing that kept him from turning around and running back to camp, was Bellamy. A little voice in his head told him that he was just scared of being at the camp alone, and Myles or some other jackass hurting him again. He couldn’t help but think that he was a pathetic coward.

Murphy’s stream of consciousness was interrupted when he suddenly noticed Clarke had fallen behind a little. He slowed down, so he could walk next to her.

“What’s up, princess?” She looked at him with a skeptical look in her eyes, as to say, _what do you care_ , or _don’t call me princess_ (Murphy wasn’t sure), and that made him grin a little. “You’ve been awfully quiet this trip, and even though it’s a nice change, it’s completely not like you.” She hit his arm, hard. He rubbed the sore spot, and laughed.

“I’m just worried something will happen to the people on the Ark,” She said, looking up at a few birds that flew out of a tree they were about to pass. Murphy shot her a surprised look. Whatever he expected her to say, it wasn’t this.

“Why? They send us down here to die and wouldn’t have cared if we did, so why should we care if they are going to?”

“They didn’t send us here to die, they send us here to live,” Clarke replied, but Murphy didn’t believe that. And he was pretty sure Clarke didn’t either. They walked next to each other in silence for maybe ten minutes when the group stopped to drink some water from a creek. Bellamy came up to Murphy, who was sitting next to Clarke.

“Hey, are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Please tell me we’re almost there though, I don’t really feel like being in this forest anymore.” Bellamy cocked an eyebrow, and Murphy rolled his eyes in response.

“I’m just not a big fan of the Grounders, Blake,” Murphy said.

Soon after, they were walking onwards again, and Murphy was really starting to get tired. They had been walking for hours, even split up a couple of times in order to find that damn ship, but they didn’t have a lot of luck. Until, finally, Finn had seen something, and they had gone to check it out. They found a small drop-ship, that looked like it was made from scrap metal. When they approached, they saw someone inside of it. _Great_ , Murphy thought. Instead of supplies, they sent someone to supervise them or something? When they opened the door, they saw a woman, strapped to her seat and unconscious, and Finn gasped.

“What, do you know her or something?” Bellamy asked, and Finn nodded.

“She’s my girlfriend.” Clarke stared at the girl, and then back at Finn. She looked disappointed, but Murphy wasn’t entirely sure that that was because it meant _Finn_ was taken, which would’ve been his first guess. She seemed to be more disappointed because the _girl_ was taken. Murphy could’ve sworn he heard her mumble something like _fuck, she’s hot_ under her breath, and he established that that more or less confirmed his thought.

•••

The girl’s name was Raven, Finn told them, and she was from Mecha Station, and she was the smartest mechanic they had. She came to soon after. She had been a little shaken up, but as soon as she had realized what was going on and where she was, the first thing she wanted was to get her radio. Clarke and Finn had tried to calm her down, because 'it could wait, you have to rest', but Raven was having none of it. She threw them off -to Murphy’s great amusement- and ran back to the ship.

“This is Raven Reyes for the Ark, is anyone there?” She yelled into the radio, “I repeat, this is Raven Reyes for the Ark!”

This went on for a couple of minutes, and Murphy had already lost hope. But then, suddenly, a cracking noise came from the device.

“Hel… ello? Who… this? ..ow are y…”

Raven groaned, and hit the thing multiple times, and held it up towards the sky. _Ah, quite the mechanic_ , Murphy thought.

“..This is the Ark, how are you on this frequency? Who are you?” A familiar voice said. Murphy realized it was that thick-headed council member, Kane.

“This is Raven Reyes from Mecha Station. I have landed on earth with an escape pod I refurbished. Earth is survivable!” Raven said again. The radio was quiet for a bit again.

“Are you sure?” Kane asked. Raven looked at Clarke, who nodded.

“Yes,” Raven answered. Raven and Clarke proceeded to tell Kane about the ground, and Murphy lost interest, so he went over to Bellamy, who was leaning against a tree. Bellamy looked a little stressed, even though Murphy was pretty sure he had no reason to be.

“Hey,” Bellamy said, and took Murphy’s hand into his own.

“Hey,” He said back. Bellamy kissed him gently, and after Murphy pulled away he laid his head against Bellamy’s chest. “Bellamy, what’s wrong?” He asked, and he felt Bellamy stiffen a little. Murphy pulled back a little, and tried to look Bellamy in his eyes, but Bellamy avoided his gaze.

“Tell me.”

Bellamy still wouldn’t or couldn’t look at him. Murphy felt himself get impatient.

“Bellamy, _tell me what’s going on_!”

Finally, Bellamy looked at him, and he had a strange look in his eyes, something that almost looked like fear. Bellamy sighed.

“I did something bad,” He said, and Murphy raised his eyebrows skeptically. “I mean, before we got to the ground. I just- I couldn’t let O go to the ground alone, I needed to be there for her.” He sighed.

“Someone helped me get on the drop-ship, but I needed to do something first.” Murphy was completely lost. What the hell was he talking about?

“Bellamy, I don’t-”

“I shot the chancellor.”

Murphy’s blood drained from his face. He felt like he was going to throw up. This couldn’t be true.

“You did _what_?” He choked out. Bellamy didn’t respond. He probably thought he was upset because Bellamy killed someone, but it was because Bellamy’s life was in danger, now that the adults knew the ground was survivable and would inevitably come down too.

“Bellamy, why didn’t you stop Raven from making contact with the Ark? They know they can come down now, _they will kill you_!” He whispered angrily. Bellamy shrugged.

“We’ll figure it out, Murphy, it’s going to be okay.” He said, but Murphy knew that wasn’t true. He turned on his heels, and stomped off towards the others.

•••

Murphy was furious, though he was pretty sure he wasn’t mad at Bellamy. No, he was mad at the people on the Ark. For locking them away, for sending them to the ground because they were ‘expandable’. He had convinced Bellamy to at least tell Clarke, who had pretty much the same reaction as he did, angry and scared for Bellamy’s life, but she had also thought to subtly bring it up to whomever was talking to them over the radio. The woman on the other side told them that the chancellor had been shot right before the 100 were sent down to earth, and that they knew who the assailant had been, and that he went down with them.

“Some boy named Bellamy Blake,” She said.

The fact they knew that Bellamy did it made everything so much worse, and Murphy felt his cheeks flush and his eyes started burning, but he bit his cheeks and choked the tears away. _Not today_ , he thought. Of all the things Bellamy might need, this wasn’t one of them. Bellamy had grabbed his hand as soon as she spoke his name. Clarke asked with a hoarse voice if a new chancellor had already been elected.

“New chancellor?” The woman sounded confused. “What are you talking about? Chancellor Jaha is not dead! Abby Griffin saved him.”

And with that, all the weight was lifted from Murphy’s shoulders. He inhaled very deeply, and covered his hands with his face. He wasn’t going to lose Bellamy. Bellamy just stood there, completely dismayed by the news.

“So… I’m not a killer,” He stated, and Clarke shook her head, a wide grin on her face.

“Guess you’ll have to put up with us for a little longer,” She said.

Murphy rolled his eyes, because of course she would say that. She huffed and punched him in his arm, exactly where she’d hit him last time. He rubbed his arm with an exaggerated look of hurt on his face. She walked past them towards the group.

“Get ready, were moving back to camp in five minutes. Finn, you lead the way, okay?” She said. They all grunted in reply.

The walk back didn’t go very smoothly. Raven had hurt her head, so she was a little dizzy, and they had to walk a little bit too slow for Murphy’s liking. They didn’t have to search for anything though, and Finn had calculated for their walk to take about three to four hours.

Had it not been for the grounders.

•••

Murphy had never personally met one, but he had seen what they’d done to Jasper, and he really hoped he’d never come across them. But with his luck, there was absolutely no way. They had stopped by the same river they’d stopped earlier to give some fresh water to Raven, who had a major headache, when it happened. Murphy was standing a few yards from the group, investigating something he saw between the bushes; only to realize too late that it was a grounder who was watching them, a grounder who hadn’t seen that Murphy was less than a few feet away.

They noticed each other at the same time, and Murphy’s first instinct was to scream, but the grounder’s was to jump on him. The man pulled Murphy into the forest, away from the clearing, but Murphy heard Finn shout, and he knew they were coming after him. He struggled, and tried to reach for his pocket, where his knife was. He pulled the knife out and cut the grounders hand, who screamed and let go of Murphy, who immediately scrambled to his feet.

“ _Taim yu jomp op nodotaim, taimm ai na frag yu op!_ ”

Murphy looked at him, very confused, but he kind of understood that if he was expected to cooperate, and Murphy didn’t really want to. In the distance, he heard Bellamy and the others call out his name. He stood his ground, and the grounder groaned in annoyance, before launching himself at Murphy. Murphy covered himself with his arms, and before he knew it, he was on the ground, with the very, very heavy grounder on top of him.

And suddenly the grounder wasn’t moving.

Murphy felt warm liquid run down his fore-arm, and he just knew he fucked up. He struggled to push the grounder off of him, and finally, when he succeeded, he sat on his knees, and looked at his arms. They were entirely covered in blood. The grounder was on his back now, staring with glazed eyes towards the sky, and Murphy’s knife sticking out of his neck. Murphy stumbled startled away from him.

“Oh, fuck me,” He cursed. He was so dead. He heard Bellamy’s voice getting closer.

“Bellamy!” He called out. He heard Bellamy shout to the others, and then his name again.

“I’m here! Bellamy!” He yelled again, and walked around frantically. He didn’t see him anywhere, and he was starting to panic a little, because it occurred to him that if that grounder was spying on them, there were certainly more. Then, he saw Bellamy, and relieve washed over him.

“There!” Bellamy called, running towards him, looking very relieved as well, but then his expression changed to horror when he saw something that had appeared behind Murphy. Murphy felt a sharp pain in his head, and the last thing he heard was Bellamy screaming his name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translation for the Trigedaslang in this chapter:
> 
> "If you attack again, I will kill you!"


	5. From What We Cannot Hold

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there, sorry for the delay, but here it is! This is the longest chapter yet, I think. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy it!

* * *

" _From what we cannot hold the stars are made_."

\- W.S. Merwin

* * *

 

Bellamy could only watch in shock and horror as the grounder hit Murphy on his head. Murphy’s body went completely limp, and he crashed to the ground. Bellamy screamed his name and ran even faster towards them, oblivious to Clarke’s screams for him to stop and turn around. He could only hear his blood rushing in his ears. He ran as fast as he could, but the grounder had seen him coming from afar. He picked Murphy up like he weighed nothing and had disappeared as soon as Bellamy had reached the spot they were just a few moments earlier.

“No,” Bellamy breathed heavily, putting his hands in his hair. He turned in circles, bewilderedly looking around searching for a clue where they might’ve gone. “No, no no no no-” He began breathing faster and his vision began to spin. He suddenly noticed that Clarke had caught up to him, but he didn’t care, he needed to find Murphy, like, right now-

“Bellamy!” She yelled, but he didn’t react, he was still frantically walking around. Suddenly, she was right in his face, and slapped him. Very hard. Bellamy’s panic attack was interrupted, and he looked shocked at her, his hand on his burning cheek. She looked right back, with a very Clarke-like look in her eyes, something Bellamy could only describe as a ‘what you gonna do about it’-look.

“Bellamy, you can’t go after them! They’ll ambush us, and if we even make it to their village, they will kill us, or him!” She said.

“But-”

“No, no ‘but’!” Clarke yelled. “We need to arrange a meeting with one of their leaders, and we need to do it fast! We can’t just barge in and rescue him!” Mbege, who Bellamy only then noticed was there too, nodded.

“I want to get him back too, Bellamy,” He said, and put his hand on his shoulder. Bellamy turned away, and rubbed his face. Keep it together, he told himself.

“Clarke, I don’t want him to get hurt again,” Bellamy said quietly, trying to keep his voice from breaking.

“I know. We won’t let that happen.”

•••

The entire way back, Clarke and Bellamy argued about how to get a face-to-face with the leader of the grounders. Bellamy wanted to storm a village, and demand the leader to come to them. Clarke however, thought that was a very, very bad idea.

“If we do that, we will never be able to have peace with them!”

“And if we don’t, Murphy is going to get hurt! We can’t waste anymore time, Clarke, we need to rescue him!”

Clarke pinched the bridge of her nose, and it annoyed Bellamy that she was so impatient and acting so condescending.

“I have an idea,” She said suddenly, “What if we just walked with our hands up into one of their villages? No weapons, no back-up, we just walk in there to show them we come in peace?

“Clarke, are you insane? They will kill us and Murphy as soon as they catch sight of us!”

“No, they won’t! If we just keep shouting something like ‘we surrender’, or ‘we come in peace’, I’m sure they will talk to us. They are still human, Bellamy.” Finn suddenly popped up beside Clarke, and nodded his head in agreement.

“They attack us because they feel threatened by us. If you give them no reason to, they will most likely not attack you. We’ll get Murphy back safely, Bellamy.” Bellamy sighed heavily, and shook his head. He knew they were probably right, he was just so goddamn scared.

“Okay, let’s do it.”

As soon as they got back to camp, Clarke made sure Raven sat down and had something to drink, and then she sent Mbege and Roma to gather the delinquents so she could tell them about their trip. Slowly but surely, they assembled in a group in front of the drop-ship, whispering and pointing at the girl that was sitting on a crate behind their leaders. Octavia was one of the first one out of the drop-ship, and immediately went over to him. He was so glad to see her, and to see that she was okay.

At first the delinquents didn’t appear to notice that Murphy was absent, but then Bellamy heard a girl say to her friend: “Where’s that Murphy-kid?”, and his head started spinning a little. Clarke heard it too, and quickly hopped on the crate next to Raven, so everyone could see her.

“Can I have your attention, please?” Clarke yelled. The crowd got quiet. “Luckily, I can say that in some ways, this trip has been a successful one, even though there was no food or medical kits inside the drop-ship. Raven was.” People started yelling and cursing in disappointment, so she put her hand up to silence them, and after a while the crowd got quiet again. “Raven is a mechanic, the smartest one according to Finn, and thanks to her, we were able to contact the Ark. They know we can’t reach Mount Weather, and will send down other drop-ships to help us survive until they come down.” The people were cheering loudly now and Clarke couldn’t get the crowd to stop talking this time, so Jasper stepped up.

“Shut up!” He yelled, and Clarke nodded thankfully at him. Bellamy knew what was coming next, and he turned away, so he was now facing Clarke and Raven, knowing he couldn’t bear to see the pitiful faces of the delinquents.

“While we were out there, Murphy was attacked by a grounder and pulled into the forest. He managed to get free by killing the grounder, but there were more. We couldn’t reach him in time, and he was taken. We are going to arrange a meeting with the leader of the grounders so we can get him back, and until then, you all must stay close to camp, so no long-lasting hunting trips anymore!” Shocked gasps this time. Olivia put her hand on his arm. He heard that a few of the younger kids had started crying. And then, of course, there was Myles, who was laughing his ass off with some of his friends.

“Ignore him, Bellamy, _please_ ,” Octavia said softly, her hand still firmly holding onto his arm.

Bellamy closed his eyes. He inhaled. He exhaled. He inhaled again. His blood was boiling, but he needed to keep himself under control, so he focused on Octavia, who was still speaking to him. She was right, killing Myles wasn’t going to help anyone right now.

Clarke wasn’t very pleased either, he suddenly realized. In the few days Bellamy had known her, he had also noticed that containing herself wasn’t really one of Clarke’s strongest abilities. He didn’t (or couldn’t) really see how she got there so fast, but in a fraction of a second, she stood less then two inches away from Myles’s face. Myles stumbled backwards, startled by her sudden appearance, and she put her index finger on his chest.

“If you step out of line _one more time_ I will either kill you myself, or let the grounders do it! And you should know, the grounders are probably your best option, because I will make sure it will be a very slow, painful death. _Do you understand me_?” She said, in that dangerously quiet and yet loud voice she used when she was furious. A high-pitched noise came out of Myles’s throat, and he was completely dumbfounded. Bellamy found his face downright hilarious, but he couldn’t bring himself to laugh. Clarke spun around, strode towards Finn, and briefly discussed something with him before walking up to Bellamy and Octavia.

“Octavia, can you give us a second?” Clarke said, which gained her a glare from Octavia. Bellamy watched her as she walked towards Jasper and Monty, who had begun to get the delinquents back to work on the walls.

“We are leaving in half an hour. Finn is going to take us as close to the village as he can, and then we’ll be on our own.” Bellamy sighed and clasped his hands over his head. What if they were already too late? The grounders hadn’t really shown a lot of mercy to Jasper for instance, and he hadn’t even done anything. Murphy had killed one of them. Bellamy couldn’t imagine they would let him walk away without a scratch. Suddenly, Clarke snapped her fingers in front of his face, and that pulled him back, out of his head. He looked at her.

“Go get ready, Bellamy, I said half an hour!”

•••

Half an hour later, Bellamy, Clarke and Finn were running quietly through the forest. Every now and then, Finn would stop to look at a trampled bush or a track on the ground, as if that would help him determine how close they were. Bellamy was sure it did, but how exactly was beyond him. He felt better than before, because his head was a little clearer, and the distress was replaced by determination. Clarke, however, was very anxious, and jumped with every twig that snapped and every branch that rustled. Finally, Finn stopped walking, and turned around.

“I think we’re close enough,” He whispered, “To get to the village you just need to walk straight ahead. I think you’ll be able to see it in give or take ten minutes.” Clarke hugged him, but let go again quickly, a resolute look in her eyes. Finn turned to Bellamy, and they hugged too, but it felt a little awkward.

“Be careful,” Finn said, “We don’t want to lose either of you.” They both nodded, and Finn snuck back into the forest on his way back to camp. Clarke and Bellamy looked at each other, waiting for Finn to get far away, and started walking again as soon as he was out of view. After fifteen minutes, they saw a house, very far away. They stopped for a second again, staring at the village in front of them, trying to work up the courage to keep going.

“It’s time,” Clarke said. Bellamy bit his lip, trying to ignore the nervous feeling in his abdomen. Clarke grabbed his hand, and together they raised their hands above their heads. Slowly, they started walking towards their goal. Clarke drew a deep, shuddering breath, and Bellamy’s own breathing quickened.

“HELLO?” Clarke shouted as they passed the first house, but they heard no response. “Is anyone there? We come in peace, please, we just want to talk!” Still, no answer. Bellamy grew more anxious by the second, expecting the grounders to jump out and kill them.

“Please, we are unarmed, we don’t want to fight,” Bellamy yelled. They reached some kind of square, and just stood there, staring at the seemingly empty village. They had both lowered their hands when Bellamy heard something behind him.

Suddenly, he felt a foot in his back, and the next thing he knew, he was lying on the ground. He saw Clarke, who was facing the people that had popped up behind them. She had sunk to her knees, keeping her eyes shut and her arms protectively above her head, a spear lingering inches away from her. Bellamy quickly rolled on his back and propped himself up on his elbows. A small group of grounders stood before them, armed to the teeth. _Clarke and her good ideas_ , Bellamy thought. Clarke let out a soft whimper.

“We don’t want to fight,” Bellamy begun carefully, resulting in the grounders steadying their weapons even more. “We just want to speak to somebody who’s in charge, just to talk!” One of the women among them scoffed, and Clarke shifted a little, and Bellamy knew that they both had realized that they talked, or at least understood, English. They had assumed they did, but they hadn’t really gotten any confirmation yet. Until now.

“ _Jus drein jus daun! Yu na kof yun sonraun op_ ,” A man yelled, and started moving his spear towards Bellamy. Bellamy just closed his eyes and prepared himself for the worst, and right before he thought the spear was going to impale him, somebody behind them spoke.

“ _Chil yu daun_.”

It was a woman, and the sound of her voice sent a chill down his spine. He opened his eyes, and saw that the grounders had all lowered their weapons. Clarke and Bellamy didn’t stand up, but looked behind them.

The grounder, who was apparently the leader, looked like a badass. There was no other way to describe it in Bellamy’s mind. Her eyes were smudged with something black, like coal, and she had a sword in her right hand. She looked down at them, and Bellamy couldn’t help but feel very small. She seemed to emanate authority.

“Are you both the leaders from the Sky People?” She said. Clarke nodded. “Come with me.”

•••

They followed her to one of the houses in the village. The other grounders didn’t follow, and they weren’t checked for weapons, which made Bellamy think they didn’t see Clarke or him as a threat, with or without a knife. The woman sat down at the table, and made Clarke and Bellamy sit down on the other side. She folded her hands together.

“My name is Anya. I’m the leader of a couple of villages that belong to the Woods Clan. I want to know who you are and why you are here.” Bellamy opened his mouth, but Clarke was faster.

“My name is Clarke Griffin, and this is Bellamy Blake. We are from a space station called the Ark.” She said, and Anya raised her eyebrows skeptically.

“We managed to survive up there for over a hundred years, but the engines are failing, and they needed to know if the ground was survivable.” She went on, but then Anya interrupted her.

“So they sent a couple of kids down here?” She asked, and Bellamy shrugged.

“If someone committed a crime up there, and you were above the age of eighteen, you would be thrown out to save the oxygen. It doesn’t matter how small or how big the crime is, it was all punished by death.” Bellamy said. Anya looked at him, not showing any emotions. “If someone was under eighteen though, they would be locked up until they were of age, and then they would get another chance.”

“What does this have to do with anything?”

“Well, even though we were under eighteen, we were still considered expandable because of our crimes, so they sent us down here to see if Earth was survivable.” Clarke said. Anya shook her head.

“So they sent you down, not knowing if you’d live or die,” She said. They nodded. Nobody said anything for a little while, until Clarke spoke again.

“Where is Murphy?” She asked. Anya sighed, and Bellamy sat up straight.

“We can’t give him back to you. We have a saying here, ‘ _Jus drein, jus daun_ ’, and it means ‘Blood must have blood’. He needs to be punished for his crime, and I am truly sorry about that.” Bellamy stood up, and ran his hands aggressively through his hair. He was about to tell Anya that she could go fuck herself with her sayings, but Clarke laid a hand on his arm to stop him, and shook her head. Bellamy angrily sat back down, and crossed his arms.

“We honestly don’t want to fight,” Clarke said, “Most of us are just kids, we don’t want a war. Murphy killed that man because he was trying to kidnap him, and I can only assume he was very scared and panicking, so can’t you-” Anya’s eyes narrowed, and she put her hand up to silence Clarke.

“What do you mean ‘he was trying to kidnap him’?” She asked. Bellamy and Clarke looked at each other, very confused now.

“Well, we were on a short trip, and when we stopped to drink something, Murphy was pulled into the woods by a man. Murphy struggled, but he was very strong, and took him with him. We went after them, but they were already very far away, and by the time Bellamy had found them, the man was already dead.” Clarke said. Anya stared at her with wide eyes, completely frozen, until Bellamy coughed.

“What’s going on here, Anya?” He asked, and Anya looked at him.

“The Commander had ordered Trikru to stay away from you until she had decided what to do,” She explained slowly, “So that means he committed high treason by trying to take your friend.” Bellamy clenched his jaw, and Clarke gasped.

“The only reason why I let Quint get away with ignoring the demands of the Commander was because that kid killed one of us.” She continued, more to herself than to them.

“We want him back, he acted out of self-defense!” Bellamy said.

“I agree with you. We need to go to him now, so no more harm will come to him.” Anya stood up, and Clarke and Bellamy followed her lead.

“Let’s make a truce until a meeting with the Commander is arranged.” She pulled a knife, made a cut in her hand, and held the knife out to them. Bellamy was going to take it, but Clarke, as always, was faster. She cut her hand, and shook Anya’s.

“Let’s go.” Anya said, and the three of them walked outside, where the grounders were still waiting. They immediately raised their weapons at Bellamy and Clarke again, but Anya ordered them to lower their weapons.

“ _Oso throu daun ogeda_.”

There were grunts of disapproval, but the grounders obeyed. Anya made them get their horses, and they watched in awe when the creatures galloped towards them. They had never seen a horse in the flesh, and Bellamy loved them. Clarke did as well, but that was mostly because the horses were unaffected by the radiation, and they hadn’t really seen an animal that wasn’t all disfigured. They got on, Clarke with Anya and Bellamy with a man who had been a little in the background until then. He was quite tall, and had tattoos on his arms and in his neck. Like Anya and unlike the other grounders that had been there, his face was completely neutral, and he was impossible to read. Bellamy felt a little intimidated, even though this man had not pointed any weapon in his direction.

The horses were fast, and they rushed through the forest as if there were no trees. When they arrived at another village, Anya and the man jumped of their horses to help Clarke and Bellamy step of too. Anya walked into the village, which also appeared to be empty, but then Bellamy heard shouting in the distance. His eyes widened and he tensed, not daring to think about why those people were shouting. Anya seemed to hear it too, and she groaned, before bolting away towards the sound.

“ _Linkon, hos op! Emo ste frag em op_!” She yelled, and the man (who’s name was Lincoln, apparently) ran after her, Bellamy and Clarke right behind him. Bellamy sprinted as fast as he could. Murphy was so close, he could feel it. They arrived at the other edge of the village, where a group of people had gathered in front of a pole. Anya and Lincoln pushed through the crowd, and Clarke and Bellamy stayed close to them. When they got to the front, the people had stopped shouting by the sight of their leader. Bellamy could finally see what they had been looking at, and his heart skipped a beat.

Murphy was leaning against the pole, his arms strung up above his head, and he was entirely covered in cuts. Huge slices resided on his chest, arms and face. There was dirt and blood all over him, and you could nearly smell it just by looking at him. He rested his head against the wood, his face wet from the tears. Bellamy tried to run up to him, while tears welled up in his eyes from his anger. However, he hadn’t taken the torturer in account, and before he knew it, he was lying on the ground. The crowd behind him cheered.The grounder, who Bellamy know recognized as the grounder that had taken Murphy, was about to kick him in his stomach, but Lincoln came to his rescue and tackled him. The other grounders yelled, and a fight nearly broke out, had it not been for Anya.

  
“ _HOD OP_!” She yelled at the top of her lungs, and everyone froze. She slowly walked over to the torturer, who quickly got to his feet. Meanwhile, Bellamy had crawled over to Murphy, and cut him loose. Murphy took one look at Bellamy, and just fainted into his arms. Bellamy sat down with him and leaned against the pole.

“You ignored the demands of the Commander, Quint,” Anya spat, and Quint just laughed disbelievingly. Anya raised her eyebrows, and his smile immediately disappeared.

“No, I didn’t! He killed one of us, _j_ _us drein jus daun_!” Quint said, and a few people cheered. Anya casted a glance towards them, and they stopped.

“The leaders from the Sky People told me that he was kidnapped, and killed out of self-defense. Fio disobeyed the Commander, which made him a traitor and he deserved what came to him. You,” She said, pointing at Quint, “Not only disobeyed the law, you tortured a child under false pretenses, which means you lied to me and thus the Commander!” Clarke had sat down on her knees next to Murphy and Bellamy, and wiped Murphy’s sweaty forehead. Bellamy looked up, and saw that the crowd had started to change sides. They were obviously very loyal to the Commander, Bellamy thought.

“ _Kom natronanes gon yu Heda en yu kru, yu nau na teik in Wamplei kom Thauz Kodon_.” Anya said, and ordered some warriors in the crowd to take Quint, who was begging for mercy, away.

“What does that mean?” Clarke asked Lincoln, and he pursed his lips.

“It means he’s sentenced to death by a thousand cuts.” He explained. “It’s the highest form of punishment.” Clarke breathed in sharply, but Bellamy didn’t care about Quint’s fate, because Murphy was a bloody mess because of him. Bellamy grabbed Clarke’s arm.

“Clarke, we need to get him back to the drop-ship.” Clarke nodded, and rose to her feet.

Anya didn’t go with them, so she could take Quint to their capital for his execution. She sent a woman to help them, because she had a wagon Murphy could lie in. Lincoln got on his horse, and let it walk slowly next to them. Bellamy had held Murphy’s hand when he woke up.

“Man, this is giving me déjà vus,” Murphy croaked, and Bellamy couldn’t stop smiling, because Murphy was safe again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations for the Trigedasleng in this chapter:
> 
>  
> 
> “Blood must have blood! You will pay with your life.”
> 
> “Stand down!”
> 
> “We fight together.”
> 
> “Lincoln, hurry up! They are killing him!”
> 
> “Stop it!”
> 
> “…Blood must have blood!”
> 
> “For treason against your Commander and your people, you will now suffer Death by a Thousand Cuts.”


	6. Cut Him Out In Little Stars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyy, I didn't mean for it to turn out like this, but it did. I'm sorry in advance. By the way, I'm not a doctor, so I can't guarantee that every medical aspect is correct or logical in any way. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy :)

* * *

" _When he shall die,_

_Take him and cut him out in little stars,_

_And he will make the face of heaven so fine_

_That all the world will be in love with night_

_And pay no worship to the garish sun._ "

\- William Shakespeare

* * *

 

 

Murphy thought he knew what pain was, but apparently, he didn’t. The burning sensation that spread all across his body nearly drove him insane. Clarke was cleaning the wounds on his chest, and every time she touched him with the cloth his entire body tensed, and he squeezed Bellamy’s hand to mush. The constant pain made his head a little foggy, but Clarke wouldn’t let him sleep. She hadn’t told him why, but he had a dark feeling that if he fell asleep, he might not wake up again. Murphy felt vulnerable and frightened, and he hated himself for it. He tried to ignore the fear that had settled in his chest. Bellamy kept stroking Murphy’s hair and face to comfort him, and he was obviously trying to hide that he was terrified. Suddenly, Clarke snapped her fingers in front of his face.

“Murphy, stay with us, we’re almost there.”

He hadn’t even noticed he’d closed his eyes again. _So weak_ , Murphy thought, and he shook his head, clearing it a little. How long had they been going in this damn thing? He wasn’t sure he could take it any longer.

“How long?” He asked, and he immediately regretted it, because he started coughing. Clarke and Bellamy shot him a worried glance, and Clarke wiped his mouth, which was covered in blood.

“We’re here,” Someone suddenly said, and he jerked his head to the left, where a grounder on a horse was walking next to them. Murphy hadn’t noticed him before, and stared a little bewildered at him.

“That’s Lincoln, he helped save you. You don’t have to be afraid of him,” Bellamy said, mistaking his confusion for alarm. Suddenly, they stopped, and Clarke hopped of the wagon. He heard her call Finn, and telling others they needn’t be afraid of the two grounders that brought them here.

From then on, everything went in a rush. He was lifted on a stretcher by Finn and Clarke, he was lifted from the wagon and brought to the drop-ship. Among the people he passed, Murphy noticed Monty and Jasper looking at him with wide eyes and open mouths. He saw Octavia rushing towards Bellamy, and Bellamy telling her to thank the grounders on their behalf and send them away so no-one gets themselves killed by trying to attack them. He was hauled into the drop-ship, which fucking hurt, and they laid him on something that could go for a bed. Bellamy sat next to him on the bed. Clarke sat by his side on her knees with a med-kit.

“Murphy, I need to stitch you up,” She said, and Murphy sighed. “I’m not going to lie to you, it’s going to hurt.” She signaled Finn, who’d been standing a couple of feet away, to come over, and told him and Bellamy to hold him down. Murphy lifted his head up.

“Wait, what-” He begun, but was cut off when he saw Raven give Clarke a needle that was glowing, like it had been held in fire. Finn and Bellamy pressed him down, and Clarke put a thread through the eye of the needle.

“No, Clarke, don’t-”

•••

After the agonizing procedure, Murphy had calmed down. The pain wasn’t gone, but it had decreased, and he could breathe a little. Bellamy stayed by his side. Clarke had finally allowed him to sleep, but she woke him up every hour to check on his stitches. In the beginning, he slept dreamless and deep, but after a few check-ups from Clarke he started having nightmares again. They weren’t about the grounders, though; they were about his mother.

His mother had haunted his dreams for years now, ever since she died and said those words to him. Not that Murphy ever let her get to him, or so he told himself. He never cried about her, or his father, because he didn’t want anyone to think he was weak. Usually, his dreams were an exact re-enactment of that day she died, but not this time. This time, he was being hung again. Murphy kicked with his legs in the air, his eyes teared up, and he couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t breathe-

And then his mother was there. She stood beneath him, and looked up. Murphy begged her to cut him down, to help him, but she just stood there and smiled at him.

Suddenly, he was jerked away from her. Clarke had woken him up, and she wiped sweat from his forehead. Bellamy sat on a box beside her, and listened to something she whispered to him.. They looked worried. But they did that a lot these days, so Murphy didn’t think anything of it. Bellamy nodded at Clarke, and she stood up. She walked away.

“Bellamy, what’s happening?” Murphy asked, and Bellamy burrowed his face in his hands. O, shit, Murphy thought, that couldn’t be good news.

“You have a fever. Clarke thinks one of your wounds is infected.”

Murphy swallowed. He hated being sick.

“And?”

“And nothing,” Bellamy said, “There’s not much she can do. You need to fight this one yourself.”

Murphy stared at the ceiling. He had heard that one before. Of course he had gotten better then, but not without consequences.

Clarke left the drop-ship. As soon as she was gone, Bellamy got up and lied down next to Murphy. He put his arm around Murphy, who cuddled up against him, and Bellamy kissed Murphy’s forehead.

“God, you’re burning up!” Bellamy said. Murphy bit his tongue. He didn’t want to talk about this, so he changed the topic.

“Bellamy,” He started, not really knowing what he was going with it, but then he thought of something he had been meaning to ask him. “Did you have nice parents?” Bellamy stayed quiet for a bit.

“I never really knew my father. Or Olivia’s. They were both never really there,” He answered, “But my mother was nice. I mean- not particularly nice, but I loved her. And she loved us.” Murphy nodded.

“How about you?” Bellamy asked. Murphy mentally kicked himself. Of course he would ask that, how stupid could he be? Way to avoid the subject.

“My father got floated for stealing medicine to save my life,” Murphy murmured, “And my mother blamed me. Drank herself to death.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Not your fault. Just blame Jaha, that’s what I do.” Bellamy grinned.

“Shut up, Murphy.”

“Make me, Blake.”

They lied in silence for a while, and Murphy hadn’t been happier in his entire life. But something still gnawed away at him.

“Bellamy,” Murphy said, and Bellamy moved a little, so that he could see Murphy better. “You have to promise me something. If I die, you-”

“You’re not going to.” Bellamy interrupted.

“I said _if_ , use your ears,” Murphy said. Bellamy rolled his eyes. “If I die, you are allowed to be sad and whatever, but only for a while. Don’t become some sad, grieving alcoholic everyone pities. I’ve been there, and it’s horrible to see something like that happen to someone you care about.” Bellamy didn’t reply.

“ _Promise_.” Murphy pressed.

“I promise.”

•••

Bellamy and Murphy talked for hours. They talked about their lives before everything went to shit for them, and about after. Murphy told Bellamy about lock-up, and how Mbege always had his back. After a while, they were joined by Jasper, Monty and Raven, because they needed a break from everything. They told them that the people outside were talking to their families. Bellamy got up and went to sit with his back to Murphy’s bed on the ground. Clarke came in, and sat down next to Raven. They laughed about something Jasper said, but Murphy wasn’t really listening anymore. He didn’t care, or he was just tired. His eyelids grew heavier by the minute, but Murphy wasn’t going to sleep. He’d had enough of his nightmares.

And then, suddenly, his mother was standing next to his bed. Murphy sighed. What the hell was _she_ doing here?

“Go away, mom,” He said, and his friends turned their heads in his direction.

“Did you say something, Murphy?” Monty asked, but Murphy shushed him.

“Shut up, I’m talking to my mom.” Bellamy turned around, and he had a concerned look on his face. Nobody said anything, but Murphy didn’t notice, because he was looking at his mother, who was watching him, silent as the grave. He tried to shoo her away.

“Murphy, there’s no-one there.”

Murphy sat up, and looked skeptically at Bellamy.

“What are you talking about? She’s right there!”

They said nothing, just stared at him. Then it dawned on him. His mother was dead. He was hallucinating.

“Oh, this is just great.” Murphy lied back down. “Clarke, do something about this. I’m not a big fan of the idea of spending time with my dead mom.”

Clarke examined him, while the rest was sitting in the background. Everyone was a little on edge, which made Murphy a little nervous as well.

“Your body temperature isn’t dropping, and your pulse is way too fast. I don’t really understand why though,” She said, “Because the wound that was infected isn’t anymore.”

Everyone was quiet. Murphy looked at his mother, who still stood there, but she was smiling at him now. Murphy flinched a little when he saw her looking at him like that, because it looked creepy as fuck. Bellamy grabbed his arm, his face furrowed with worry.

“She’s freaking me out, I want her gone,” Murphy said, and Clarke nodded sympathetically. All of a sudden, Raven shot up.

“Is the grounder that brought you here still here?” She asked.

“I think so, yeah. I saw him talking with Octavia like half an hour ago,” Clarke answered. “But why-”

“I think they poisoned him. You said yourself that there are no infected wounds, and no one else around here is sick, so it has to be poison.”

It took a while before that sunk in. The first reaction came from Clarke, who bolted towards the exit, presumably to get the grounder. Lincoln, he corrected himself. She came barging back in about a minute later, Lincoln right behind her. She filled him in on Murphy’s status, and Lincoln took a look at Murphy himself.

“You’re right,” He said to Raven, “Quint cut him with a poisoned knife. It’s quite uncommon to do that as punishment, so I didn’t think of it before.” Murphy tried to ignore his mother, who’s smile had gotten even bigger. He swallowed. Very frustrated, Bellamy ran his hand through his hair.

“You can help him, right?” Bellamy asked, and Lincoln shrunk a little.

“I’m not sure.”

•••

Murphy had always thought he didn’t fear death, but now that it had come so close for the third time in a couple of days, he wasn’t so sure anymore. He quickly realized he just had nothing to lose before, and now that he did, he didn’t want to leave it all behind. And it wasn’t just Bellamy, although he was the majority, he had friends now too, who cared about him. He never really had that in his life, besides Mbege of course.

It was in the middle of the night, and Murphy was lying alone in the dark drop-ship. Bellamy and Clarke were helping Lincoln gather his magic herbs for an antidote that might not even work, and the others were probably sleeping. Murphy couldn’t though, not with his mother so close. She hadn’t said a word so far, but Murphy had a feeling she could. At first, he didn’t want to find out. But after a while, curiosity got the best of him. He sat up, which took a lot of effort, and looked at her. She stared back.

“Why are you here, mom?” Murphy asked, and the woman stood up. She walked over to him and sat on his bed, less than a few feet away from him.

“I came to see how my son is doing,” She replied.

“Like you ever cared.” He already regretted starting this conversation, so he closed his eyes and tried to block her out.

“I did,” She said, and he scoffed.

“Come on, John.” Hearing his first name triggered something in him. He looked at her, his blood slowly starting to boil.

“You abused me for years. You told me I killed dad, and then you left me alone. You call that ‘caring’?” He said, and sighed. Stay calm. “Why am I even talking to you? You’re not her, you’re my subconscious. Just leave me alone, please.”

“You started talking to me,” She countered. An empty laugh escaped his mouth. They sat like that in silence for what felt like years, before she spoke again.

“I really did love you, John,” She said, “I just missed your father. Grief drives people insane.”

Murphy swallowed, trying to get the lump in his throat to disappear. Tears welled up in his eyes, and they silently rolled down his cheeks.

“Tell me about it,” Murphy croaked. His mother held out her hand. He lied down with his head on her lap, and wrapped his arms around himself. She ran her fingers through his hair.

“I don’t want to die, mom,” He whispered.

“I know, sweetheart, but there’s nothing to be afraid of. You’ll be amongst the stars.”

He slept as soon as he closed his eyes.

•••

When Murphy woke up, his mother was gone, and Bellamy, Clarke, Raven and Lincoln were there. Bellamy was watching him from a distance, and immediately rose to his feet and walked over when he noticed Murphy was awake.

“Hey,” He said, “How are you feeling?”

“A little better,” Murphy answered. He sat up and looked around. “I don’t see my mother anywhere, so that’s good news I guess. D’you have the antidote?”

“Yeah, we’ve got it,” Clarke said, and walked over. She handed him a cup, and the smell that came out of it was horrible. Murphy gagged and held the cup as far away from him as possible.

“What the hell did you put in there? I’m not going to drink this!” Murphy said, and he covered his nose.

“Then die,” Lincoln replied, and everyone stared at Lincoln, a little shocked by his bluntness.

“Alright, alright,” Murphy grumbled, and downed the drink in one go. It tasted exactly as it smelled, and Murphy almost threw it all up again. He felt the thick liquid slide down his throat, and as soon as it reached his stomach, he became all warm and fuzzy, and his cheeks flushed. Bellamy rubbed his back.

“He’s good now, right?” Bellamy asked, turning to Lincoln.

Lincoln didn’t reply. Bellamy eyes narrowed, and he stood up.

“Right?”

Lincoln shook his head. Murphy rolled his eyes and let himself fall on his pillow.

“There is no way to know. The potion will help for sure, but if it will be enough, only time will tell.”

Murphy didn’t want to hear it anymore. He would be okay, he had to be. Bellamy sat down next to him on the edge of his bed, his face burrowed in his hands. Murphy put his hand on Bellamy’s arm, and he looked at him.

“I’ll be okay, Bellamy,” Murphy said, and Bellamy nodded, but he didn’t seem to sure of it. Nobody did.

•••

They didn’t leave Murphy alone after that. Bellamy stayed in the drop-ship, as did Raven. Every now and then, Jasper, Monty, Octavia, Finn, or even Mbege would come in, and they would sit down and talk to them for a awhile before leaving again. Clarke also left frequently, but each time only for a couple of minutes. Mostly, she went out to order people around or get some water or food for the people inside. Murphy figured that she was worried and felt inadequate or something, and that made her very restless. At some point though, at the end of the evening, she left with Lincoln, because she was meeting the Commander in a nearby village.

Murphy felt better in some ways. His mother hadn’t come back, his wounds didn’t really hurt anymore, and Raven and Bellamy took his mind of the bad things, like the fact that he’d started throwing up and he was sweating like a pig, which made him very weak. Lincoln had warned Clarke that those things could happen. They were just side-effects.

At one point, early in the morning, when Bellamy was sleeping on a mattress across the room, Murphy was lying on his back, and he started coughing up blood. He felt like he was choking, but then Raven was there, and helped him turn on his side.

“I can handle myself, Reyes,” Murphy panted. Raven scoffed.

“Wow, maybe I should just let you choke next time,” She shot back. He let himself fall on his back again, and laughed.

“Ah, come on, you wouldn’t miss me for the world,” Murphy said, and Raven threw a towel at him to clean his mouth, while rolling her eyes at him. In the corner of his eye he saw Bellamy stir.

“I would sell you to Satan for one cup of moonshine,” She smirked, and Murphy mockingly clasped his hands over his hart.

Bellamy sat up, eyes still shut and hair exploded. Murphy chuckled. He felt a little lightheaded.

“Good morning,” Raven said, and handed him a cup of water.

All of a sudden, Clarke came barging in, Finn right behind her. She was blushing, and she looked a little freaked out, but in a good way. Almost excited. Raven gave her some water too, and looked a little funnily at Clarke.

“How did the meeting with the Commander go?” She asked.

“I think it went well. Her name’s Lexa, and she wants us to work together and shit. Oh, and Quint has been executed.” She kept rambling on to Raven and Bellamy about how awesome Lexa was, and how thrilled she was that at least they weren’t going to die at the hands of the grounders. Murphy tuned her out after a while, and stared into space. He started to feel the bags under his eyes, and almost closed them, when he noticed someone else in the room.

His mother was back. Murphy rubbed his eyes, and looked again. She was still there, and she was looking in his direction. She walked over to him, sat down on her knees next to the bed and stroked Murphy’s hair.  
“It’s time, dear,” She whispered. Murphy shook his head. He didn’t want to.

“I can’t.”

“Yes, you can. It’ll be alright, don’t worry.”

She touched his forehead with hers, and Murphy exhaled. He looked at his friends, who were standing just a few feet away. His eyes lingered on Bellamy.

“May we meet again,” Murphy whispered, and his last breath escaped his lips.

Raven laughed at something Clarke said, and her eyes briefly slid over Murphy. He saw her eyes widen, and she ran over to him, pushing Finn aside in the process.

“Clarke, Clarke, he isn’t breathing!” She yelled, and Clarke was there immediately. She rolled him on his back and tried to get him to breathe again, but Murphy already knew it was over. His mother took his hand in hers.

Then, everything went black.


	7. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there, 
> 
> This is the final chapter. I hope you liked it so far, and thanks for reading! Let me know what you think, I'd appreciate it. 
> 
> Enjoy :)

_Two months later_

“Clarke, for the last time, we need to go!”

Clarke stopped shoving her stuff in a bag and turned around to glare at Finn, who was standing in the doorway of her room.

“I’m almost ready, damn,” She responded, “Just go already, I’ll meet you at the gates.” Finn groaned, but ran off anyway. Clarke closed her bag and stared at it for a second. Where were they going again? Oh, that’s right, Polis. She quickly spun around and walked towards the exit.

The Ark had come down about seven weeks ago, and Lexa made sure the Council knew she didn’t trust them. Clarke smiled at the thought of the reaction of the Council members when Lexa told them she wanted the leaders of the delinquents to be the ambassadors of the sky people. They said she was too young, and that the Chancellor was their leader, and thus, he should be their ambassador, but Lexa wouldn’t take no for an answer. So the Council had to suck it up and watch as the (in their minds) a couple of ‘kids’ went to the capital to represent them. The Council wouldn’t admit it if their lives depended on it, but Clarke and her friends were the real leaders.

Clarke reached the gates, and quickly got in passenger’s seat of the big jeep that was waiting for her. Raven, who was sitting in the driver’s seat, groaned.

“Finally, what took you so long?” Octavia said from the back of the car, and Clarke shrugged. Raven rolled her eyes, and started to drive off. There was an uncomfortable silence. Monty coughed, in an attempt to break it.

“So, we should go over our points one last time before we present them to the Coalition.” He said, and pulled a piece of paper out of his jacket. Nobody objected, so he just started listing them. “The main point today is the Mountain Men. We need to make it clear to them that we are prepared to go to war to stop them.” Monty scratched his head. “Oh, and we have that thing with the Ice nation, we need to tell Lexa that some guy from Azgeda tried to kidnap Clarke.” Clarke turned around in her seat.

“Do we really have to? I mean, we got rid of him, and he didn’t come back, so what’s the point?” She said. Jasper laughed, but Monty ignored her. They’d had that argument twice already, and Clarke had a feeling he didn’t feel like having it again.

“The last thing we need to discuss is Mbege’s kill order. I know we’ve already tried to get it lifted, but we need to try again.” And just like that, the tension was back again. Everyone was trying very hard not to look at Bellamy, who was staring out of the window. Suddenly, the everlasting guilt washed over her again, and Clarke closed her eyes, inhaling very slowly.

She hadn’t been able to revive Murphy. She had tried, though. For a long time. Eventually, Finn had put his hand on her shoulder, and quietly told her he was gone. Clarke knew he was right. She stepped back, and Bellamy dropped trembling to his knees. He had stroked Murphy’s hair, and he broke. He started crying, very loudly. It was heartbreaking to watch. Clarke wiped a few tears away, turning away, and saw that Finn and Raven were crying, too. People outside were coming in to see what was going on, but Clarke had quickly blocked them and told them to get the hell out.

She didn’t want to tell the delinquents what happened. She knew she had to, and she did in the end, but it was so hard. Some had cried; some hadn’t. While she was speaking, she’d watched Myles for a while, waiting (hoping?) for him to give her a reason to beat the shit out of him. But unfortunately, he kept his mouth shut.

Mbege had lost it, though. He’d went to the nearest village, and he killed a bunch of innocent grounders as revenge for Murphy’s death. They locked Mbege up, but feared their truce with the grounders would end. Luckily, Lexa hadn’t blamed the Sky people, but she did place a kill order on Mbege’s head. 

Clarke's mind wandered further. She thought about Wells and how they never had been able to find his killer. The fact that someone she lived with in Arkadia could've killed her best friend was so utterly horrifying to her, that she often couldn't sleep.

“Clarke… Clarke!” Finn snapped his fingers in front of Clarke’s face, pulling her out of her thoughts. She glared at him.

“What?”

“We’re here.”

•••

Even though Bellamy had been inconsolable and heartbroken, Clarke had the impression he was doing at least a little better. After Murphy’s funeral, Bellamy hadn’t come out of his tent for days. Every time Clarke entered to bring him food or water, he’d always except it, but he never touched it. It broke her to see Bellamy so tired and hurt. When he eventually did come out, they all expected he would get himself drunk, but he stayed clear of the moonshine. They knew about his promise to Murphy by now.

Clarke shook her head. She didn’t want to think about it anymore.

Suddenly, Jasper poked her arm, and pointed at someone who was talking to a very tall grounder. She felt butterflies in her stomach, and a huge smile spread across her face. Lexa looked up, and smiled back, before quickly going up to her and kissing her.

“Good to see you again, Clarke,” She said.

“You too,” Clarke answered. Bellamy and the others walked past them to the entrance of the conference room. Lexa looked at him with a concerned look on her face.

“How’s he doing?” She asked, and Clarke shrugged.

“He’s managing.” Lexa took Clarke’s hand.

“He’ll be okay, Clarke. It’ll take time, but he’ll be okay.”

Clarke nodded. 

She hoped Lexa was right.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on tumblr: [Royalravens](https://royalravens.tumblr.com/)


End file.
